When It’s Hard to Be Kind

 

This weekend, I had a conversation with my mum that stayed with me. She said, “It’s easy to do good for someone who does good for you.” And she’s right. When someone is kind, thoughtful, and appreciative, it’s natural to want to do more for them to think of them when you travel, to buy them something they’d like, to go the extra mile. But when someone is difficult, ungrateful, or self-absorbed, that’s where kindness truly becomes work.

She was talking about a caregiver looking after a patient with a long-term illness. Despite all the effort therapy, special meals, daily care the patient rarely showed appreciation. And yet, the family kept showing up. That’s the part that struck me: how hard it is to keep being good to someone who doesn’t seem to notice or care.

It made me think of the story of  Jesus looking for the one the lost sheep the reminder that love isn’t about convenience or reciprocation. It’s easy to be kind to those who are kind; it’s holy work to be kind to those who aren’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It takes awareness, humility, and balance because helping others shouldn’t drive us to resentment or self-righteousness.

Sometimes, when faced with difficult people, we need to pause and protect our peace. To remember that kindness is about who we are, not who they are. But we also need to watch our egos that subtle voice that says, “Look how patient I am. Look how much I give.” True kindness is quiet; it doesn’t need an audience.

 In away, to stay grounded lets try the following:  

Celebrate the Act, Not the Reaction. Stop seeking gratitude. The victory isn’t in their "thank you," but in your "I showed up." Shift your focus from their inability to receive to your incredible capacity to give. This builds a resilience that is entirely your own.  

Set Boundaries, Not Walls.A wall says, "I will no longer care." A boundary says, "I will care, but I must protect my well-being to do so sustainably." Schedule respite, manage your expectations, and share the load. Boundaries aren’t selfish; they are the framework for long-term compassion. 

Guard Against the Ego. It’s easy to start feeling like a "saint" for enduring ingratitude. This is a trap. When you hear that whisper, humble yourself. Remember times you were difficult and others showed you grace. True compassion seeks no trophy.

So this week, I’m celebrating the quiet givers the ones who keep showing up even when it’s hard, who keep choosing good even when it’s not returned. You are doing sacred work. Just remember to refill your own cup as you pour into others.