Subtle Crossings

 

There is a moment many women recognize instantly. Nothing dramatic happens. No raised voices. No obvious line is crossed. Yet something shifts quietly inside you. A comment lands, and your body reacts before your mind does.

A friend recently shared such a moment. A colleague complimented her dress. Then her figure. Then her discipline. Yoga, meditation, the gym. Polite responses followed. The exchange lasted minutes. No insults. No threats. Just words that, on the surface, could easily be framed as harmless.

Then came the turn. “You know,” he said, “abroad this would be called sexual harassment.” Suddenly, she was on trial for a conversation she hadn’t initiated. Asked whether she felt uncomfortable, not because he cared, but because the question itself shifted responsibility onto her. In that moment, confusion replaced clarity. If she said yes, she risked being labelled oversensitive. If she said no, she silently consented to discomfort she couldn’t quite name.

This is the grey space many workplaces still live in. The 'grey space' refers to those ambiguous moments where boundaries are unclear and discomfort arises without overt misconduct, making it difficult to name or address the issue directly. Sexual harassment is often imagined as something loud, obvious, and extreme. But more often, it’s subtle. Repeated comments about appearance. Conversations that drift into the body. Compliments that ignore context, power dynamics, and consent. When awareness is low, people struggle to identify it. When identification fails, response becomes impossible.

And when workplaces lack clear policies, silence becomes the default survival strategy. What stood out most was not just the interaction, but the growth that followed. The willingness to pause and ask: Why did that feel wrong? What language do I need for this? How do we protect ourselves and others when systems fall short?

That reflection is power. We don’t need to have all the answers to begin doing better. We can set personal boundaries. We can redirect conversations. We can name discomfort without apology. We can advocate for clearer policies, even when they don’t yet exist.

Most importantly, we can trust that quiet feeling in our stomach. Awareness begins there. And choosing to notice, to question, and to learn is not weakness. It is progress.

What To Do When You’re Not Sure: Practical Steps for Navigating Grey Spaces.

·       Trust the signal, not the debate: If something feels off, that feeling is information. You don’t need to win an argument in your head before taking it seriously. Gently redirect the moment: You can shift the tone without confrontation. Simple phrases like, “Let’s keep this professional,” or “I’d rather focus on work,” are enough. Seek support: Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes clarity comes from saying the story out loud and hearing yourself. 

Reflect on your feelings and responses. Ask yourself: What made me uncomfortable? How might I handle this if it happens again? Who can I reach out to for support? These quiet moments of self-awareness and advocacy are small victories each one a step toward safer, more respectful workplaces for everyone.