Forty Days, One Honest Mirror

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This season of fasting has felt different for me. Not louder, not more dramatic, but deeper. It has become less about what I am giving up, and more about what I am learning to let go of.

We all have those small habits. The ones that sneak in quietly and settle like permanent tenants. The extra scroll when you should be resting. The delayed task you keep postponing. The small indulgences that slowly become patterns. You notice them, you question them, but somehow… they stay.

This time, I decided to meet them differently. Fasting gave me a kind of shared discipline. A collective rhythm. You look around and realize you are not the only one trying to hold back, to be intentional, to sacrifice something. And in that awareness, it becomes a little easier to say no. A little easier to pause.

I found myself thinking, if I can do this for forty days, then maybe I am not as powerless as I thought. There’s a small scene that stayed with me. One evening in Kampala traffic, the kind where boda bodas weave like they are solving a puzzle no one else understands, I reached for my phone out of habit. Not urgency, not purpose, just habit. And then I stopped. Not because I had to, but because I could. It felt small, almost insignificant, but also quietly powerful.

That is what this season has been teaching me. Control does not always come in big, life-changing decisions. Sometimes it comes in the smallest pauses. Florence Scovel Shinn, in The Game of Life and How to Play It, writes, “Discipline is the means by which the law of non-resistance is practiced.” And that stayed with me. Because fasting, in its truest form, is not about force. It is about gentle discipline. Choosing differently, again and again.

I have not been perfect. Not even close. But I have been aware. And that awareness feels like progress. So I sit with this simple truth: if I can let go for forty days, then I can let go again tomorrow. And maybe the next day. And maybe, slowly, I am becoming someone who chooses with intention. And that, to me, is worth celebrating.


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