Are We All a Little Selfish?

 A friend recently told me about a colleague who had resigned after landing a better opportunity. It was good news, the kind you genuinely celebrate. Yet as the excitement settled, something else quietly entered the room. Sadness.

Not because the colleague didn't deserve the opportunity, but because everyone immediately began thinking about what their departure meant for them. Who would take over the workload? Would the replacement be as capable? What would happen to the team dynamic? The colleague was leaving, but everyone else's minds had already shifted to the gap being left behind.

As she spoke, I smiled because I had lived the very same story from the other side. A while ago, I left an organization after finding a new role. My friend and I had built a wonderful routine. We shared lunch breaks, exchanged stories, laughed about work, and made each other's days lighter. When I told her I was leaving, she was genuinely happy for me. We had both hoped for that opportunity for a long time.

But I could also see the worry in her eyes. Who would she have lunch with now? Who would understand the little frustrations of the day? How would work feel without our daily conversations? Neither reaction was wrong. In fact, it revealed something beautifully human.

When life changes around us, our minds instinctively ask, How will this affect me? It isn't always selfishness in the cruel sense. Often, it is simply our brains trying to prepare for a new reality.

The interesting lesson, though, is what happens when we stand on the other side of the decision.

If we spend our lives making choices based solely on how everyone else will feel, we may never move. We might stay in jobs we've outgrown, decline opportunities we've prayed for, or silence dreams because someone will miss us. Meanwhile, the people we're trying so hard to protect are also, quite naturally, thinking about how the change affects their own lives.

Perhaps the healthiest balance is this: celebrate people's growth, acknowledge the loss it creates for us, but never ask someone to shrink so we can stay comfortable. Growth often changes relationships. That's not betrayal. Sometimes, it's simply proof that both people are still moving forward.