Let People Evolve

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Sometimes we don't struggle with people changing. We struggle with accepting that they have changed.

A friend recently told me about someone she has known for many years who decided to take a different path in life. She wanted to become more spiritual and spend more time in ways that aligned with the person she felt she was becoming. Naturally, that meant spending less time with some of the friends she had spent years with, particularly the weekend crowd.

The interesting part was that the friends felt abandoned. They said she was no longer caring. She wasn't available like before. And technically, they were right. She wasn't.

But perhaps that was the point. People are allowed to change the way they spend their time. They are allowed to change their priorities, their beliefs, their habits and even the environments they once enjoyed.

That doesn't necessarily mean they have stopped caring about the people they left behind. I do think, however, that when you've shared 15 or 20 years with someone, you probably owe them a conversation. "I'm changing, and this is what that change means for my life" can go a long way. People may not agree, but at least they understand what is happening.

After that, though, there is another uncomfortable part: we have to let them choose. Sometimes we keep holding on because we have known someone for so long that we feel responsible for keeping the relationship exactly as it was. We call it loyalty. We call it fighting for the friendship. Sometimes it is simply our inability to accept that the relationship may need to change.

I have started thinking that perhaps we need to give people room to evolve. If they need space, give them space. If they are becoming someone different, let them become that person. If the friendship still has a place in both your lives, it may find a new shape.

And if it doesn't, perhaps that is okay too. We don't have to drag every relationship into the next chapter simply because it was important in the last one. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone we love is step back, trust their journey, and allow them to find their way.

And perhaps ask ourselves: Am I holding on because this relationship still works, or because I am afraid to let it change?

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